Fire Rescue Humor

When the job turns funny!

 

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

  A mom is driving her second-grade daughter and two of her friends to school one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started talking about what the dog's duties were.
     One little girl said, "They use him to keep crowds back."
     "No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
     The daughter said, "No! No! They use the dogs to find the fire hydrants."

Q: If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A. K9P

Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four - one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.
 

Top Ten Lies Told By Paramedics
10. Its not my fault, he kept moving.
9. This might stick a little.
8. I did say clear first.
7. I know where I'm going.
6. It's OK, I'll cut along the seams.
5. The ambulance is clean.
4. It's the flu, not a hangover.
3. The gloves are for your protection.
2. The patient refused the treatment.
1. I am in it for the money.

EMS RULES
Skin signs tell all.
Sick people don't complain.
Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.
Newbies have there own way of doing things.
The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.
When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
All bleeding stops....eventually.
All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
 If the child is quiet, be scared.
Always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
If the patient vomits in the rig try to hold their head to the side of the rig with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.
If someone dies by chemical hazards, electrical shocks or other on-scene  dangers it should be the patient, not you.
There will be problems.
You can't cure stupid.
If it's wet and sticky and not yours, LEAVE IT ALONE!
If at all possible, avoid any edible item that firefighters prepare, especially the tuna casserole.
Heaven protects Fools and Drunks.
EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.
Every Emergency has three phases PANIC, FEAR, AND REMORSE.
You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 02:00 in the middle of a great dream.
Rocket scientists that get into stupid car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
Make sure the rookie EMT knows that a med patch is a radio term, and not a medicated bandage.
Paramedics save lives; But it's EMT skills that save Paramedics.
When a patient vomits outside, be sure to aim it at the citizens who wouldn't back up.
Never trust your rig, drug box, or airway bag to be fully stocked, in spite of the assurances of the off going crew.
If you don't have it, don't give up, Adapt, Improvise, Overcome, (then call for a second unit).
There is no such thing as a "textbook case" .
Newbies always look for large things in the smallest compartments and vice versa.
There is no such thing as a bad call. Only calls that didn't go the way you planned.
If there are no drunks at an MVA after midnight, keep looking, some one is missing.
Just cause your paranoid does not mean the Supervisor isn't around the corner.
Just because someone's license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Laws of EMS work

The First Law of EMS:
All emergency calls will wait until you begin to
eat, regardless of the time.
The EMS Law of Gravity:
Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least
accessible place possible.

The EMS Law of Time and Distance:
The distance of the call from the hospital increases as the time to
shift change decreases.

Corollary 1 - The shortest distance between the
station and the scene is under construction.

The EMS Rule of Random Simultaneity:
Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.

The Axiom of Late-Night Runs:
If you respond to any motor vehicle accident call after midnight and do
not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking - somebody is still missing.

The EMS Law of Options:
Any patient, when given the option of either going to jail or going to
the hospital by a police officer, will always be inside the ambulance
before you are.

EMS Rules of the Bathroom:
A. If a call is received between 0500 and 0700, the location of the
call will always be in the bathroom.
B. If you have just gone to the bathroom, no call will be received.
C. If you have not just gone to the bathroom, you will soon regret it,
because the probability of receiving a run increases proportionally to
the time elapsed since last going to the bathroom.

The First Principle of Triage:
In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is
inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming
produced by that patient.

The Gross Injury Rule:
Any injury, the sight of which makes you sick, should immediately be
covered by 4x4s and Kerlix.

The EMS Law of Light:
As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of
light to examine that injury decreases.

The EMS Law of Space:
The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies
inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.

The EMS Theory of Relativity:
The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any
given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the
patient's illness or injury.

The EMS Theory of Weight:
The weight of the patient that you are about to transport increases by
the square of the sum of the number of floors which must be ascended to
reach the patient plus the number of floors which must be descended
while carrying the patient.
Corollary 1 - Very heavy patients tend to gravitate toward locations
which are furthest from sea level.
Corollary 2 - If the patient is heavy, the elevator is broken, and the
lights in the stairwell are out.

The EMS Rules of No-Transport:
A Life-or-Death situation will immediately be created by driving away
from the home of patient whom you have just advised to go to the
hospital in a private vehicle.

The First EMS Rule of Bystanders:
Any bystander who offers you help will give you none.

The Second EMS Rule of Bystanders:
Always assume that any Physician found at the scene of an emergency is
a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise.

The EMS Rule of Warning Devices:
Any ambulance, whether it is responding to a call or traveling to a
hospital, with lights and siren, will be totally ignored by all
motorists, pedestrians, and dogs which may be found in or near the
roads along its route.

The EMS Rule of Rules:
As soon as an EMS Rule is accepted as absolute, an
exception to that Rule will immediately occur.